New Disease discovered !!! ;)

There's a new illness discovered at the University of Bheja.
 Its a condition called "whatsapia".

The symptoms are :

1.Having an app called whatsapp. jokes

2.Constantly checking to see if you have messages.

3.Checking if someone has been online and why they haven't replied to you.

4.Anxiety that you must reply or the other person will feel bad.

5.Expecting comments if you change your profile pic and/or update your status.

6.Pretending to listen to someone, while busy chatting on whatsapp.

7.First thing when you wake up needing your dose of whatsapp.

If you have any of the above conditions, you are suffering from

whatsapia....:-) 

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Funny Pics Quotes

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Did It Ever Happen to You When.?Part-2

Did It Ever Happen to You When..Part-2

9 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

Realizing there's nothing you want in the fridge:



10 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

The world at 6 a.m. when you haven't slept:



11 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

The world at 6 a.m. when you're just waking up:



12 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

Buying something and then finding it way cheaper somewhere else:



13 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

Hey, can you loan me 10 dollar-



14 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

When you drive all he way to the store and it's closed:



15 Did It Ever Happen to You When...

When Listerine recommends you rinse for 30 seconds:



16.Did It Ever Happen to You When...

When you hear a bug, but can't see it.

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Cancel your credit card before you die...

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.
For that you must try & find your date of death
in advance.
This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and ICICI Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been Rs.0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around Rs.6000.00. A family member placed a call to ICICI Bank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. '

ICICI Bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

ICICI Bank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

ICICI Bank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

ICICI Bank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'


Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a Rs.0 balance.'

ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

ICICI Bank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

ICICI Bank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they got the fax :

ICICI Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

ICICI Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

ICICI Bank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Avinashi, Coimbatore

ICICI Bank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

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Side Effects Of Non-Systematic Working

A story told by an IIM professor regarding the side effects of non-systematic working :-
After completion of Lanka War Hanumanji was enjoying LTA with his friends. He got an email on his laptop from Accounts requesting him to clear his dues before 31st March - dues related to his tour for bring Sanjivani Booti for Laxmanji. He ignored the first mail. But after 3 - 4 reminders in two days time & receiving a call on CUG Mobile from Accounts Dept., he had to fly to Ayodhya canceling his leave.
He submitted - TA, DA Bill, Bills of Sushen Vaidya, Hospital Charges incurred for Bharatji when met with an accident during his travel, Cost of Sanjeevani Booti for Laxmanji, (Transport charges)
(1) Where is your tour sanction report ? Asked the HR & ADMIN Dept. Hanumanji got it done sting to concerned officials 2 or 3 times.
(2) Hanumanji claimed T.A. Bill for air travel - but he as given only second class sleeper charges. And all other expenses on medical, Sanjeevani Booti, expenses on Sushen Vaidya were not reimbursed.
When he asked for the reasons, he was told that:
(a) As per his designation, he is entitled for IInd class sleeper only.
(b) He cannot get claim for other things as he does not have bills.
Hanumanji approached Shri Rama and explained him about the deduction on his tour expense report : Ramji ordered the related official to pay for Air travel & other charges as claimed by Hanumanji. The officer came with the rule book & told Shri Ramji "These rules were created by grand father of Dasharathji, If you want to overrule your forefathers I don't have any problem."
Ramji became speechless. So he thought for another way to compensate Hanuman. He called Hanumanji & gave him the claimed amount in cash, But how can Hanumanji take cash money from Ramji ?
Hanumanji said "How can I take money from you for treating Laxmanji? Laxmanji is equally reverend to me as you are." Later in his heart of hearts Hanumanji thought "Why he listened to accounts fellow, cut short his LTA, completed all the formalities & put Shri Ram in such an awkward position where he has to offer money to me!!!"
Hanumanji continued his work with the same attachment as he used to after this incidence also.
Hanumanji was a God, but for us, mortals, learnt a different lesson & that was
"NOT to do anything without proper sanctions FROM HR & IMMEDIATE BOSS : Whatever may be the urgency or importance of the job" 

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Today's Generation

Girl said: Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far
away from me. I am in India and he lives in Alaska.
We met on a dating website, became friends on
facebook, had long chats on whatsapp, he proposed
to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months of
relationship through Viber.I need your blessings
 and good wishes, daddy.


Dad said: Wow! Really!! Then get married on twitter,
have fun on tango.Buy your kids on e-bay, receive them
through gmail.
And if you are fed up with your husband...sell him on
Amazon.

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One Of The Best Message on Corporate life

One of d best msg on corporate life:

1.  I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
*         Scanner
*         Printer
*         Xerox Machine

2.  I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
*         Microsoft Word
*         Microsoft Excel
*         Microsoft PowerPoint

3.  I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
*         Ctrl+C
*         Ctrl+V
*         Ctrl+S

4. I learnt to say three very imp words for professional life:-
*         Yes sir
*         Ok sir.
*         I'll Just Do That sir

5.  When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -
*         Wake Up early
*         Sleep late
*         Continue to Work

6.  I learnt to: -
*         Face Monday
*         Fight For 5 Days
*         Wait For Friday

7.  I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making
*         Phone Calls
*         Messages
*         Mails

8.  I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
*         Birthday
*         New Year
*         Festivals

9.  In last one year, People say:-
*         You Learnt...
*         You Earned...
*         You Enjoyed...

10.  But when I compare me with my self...
*         I just Sustained...
*         I just Tolerated...
*         I just Survived... for bucks

11.  I have survived:-
*         For convenience of my Family...
*         To avoid blame of Society...
*         To get tag of Employment...

12.  When I already knew that I have got the wrong train.
*         I learnt to Rejoice...
*         To be Happy...
*         To Smile..

I learnt that corporate life and dreams can never meet..

Because when they meet,
both will lose their meaning..

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I'm just a stupid common s/w engineer

I'm just a Stupid Common software engineer... “A Wednesday” style.

For all of you who have seen the movie ' A Wednesday'...

Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehchan hai tumhari ?

Unknown Caller : Kaun hun main...main voh hun jo aaj commitment karne se darta hai, Mein voh hun jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke ki kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkaar na kar de...

Main voh hun jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

Main voh hun jiski biwi usse friday ko dus baar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? " 
Mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki voh ye jaan naa chahti hai ki kahin hamesha ki tarah last moment pe
boss ke bulane pe main saturdary ko bhi office to nahi ja raha...

Main voh hun jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jaye tou...

Main voh hun jo aksar phasta hun...
kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mein phasta hai, Badi companion ke jaal mein phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mein fasta hai.

Walk-In ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne Rathore saab... us bheed mein se koi bhi chehra chun lijiye.. main voh hun..

I'm .....JUST A STUPID COMMON  Software. ENGINEER....

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Expecting

Expecting

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."

"Oh," said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation, "My wife's expecting." The Officer looked surprised.

"Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."

When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

"Yes, sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

"What in the Hell is she expecting?" cried the Officer.

"ME" said the soldier.

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Sacchi Dosti

Sacchi Dosti....enjoy.

RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO:

Maa - Bhagwan ki kripa hai.

Papa - Beta Kiska Hai.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

RESULT AGAR BURA HO:

Maa - Aag lage is mobile main.

Papa - Laad pyar ne bigaad diya.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

BIRTHDAY PER:

Maa - Jug jug jiye mera beta.

Papa - Hamesha aage badhe.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

LOVE MAIN FAIL HONE PER:

Maa - Beta Bhool ja usko.

Papa - Mard ban.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Duniya badal jati hai par DOST kabhi nahin badalte...

Chal Daaru Peete Hain...

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Wo Jo Aap Kaho : Husband wife Joke

Only married man will truly Understand!!



Husband: aaj khane mein kya banaogi?
 Wife: Jo aap kaho
 H: Dal chawal bana lo
 W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the
 H: to sabji roti bana lo
 W: bacche nahi khayenge
 H: to chhole puri bana lo
 W: mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai
 H: eggs bhurji bana lo
 W: aaj guruvaar hai
 H: paraanthe ?
 W: raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai??
 H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain?
 W: roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye
 H: kadhi chawal?
 W: dahi nahi hai
 H: idly sambar?
 W: usme time lagega.pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!
 H: maggi hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega
 W: woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta
 H: phir AB kya banaogi?
 W: wo Jo aap kaho ??????????????????

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"Wrong Number"

A newly married husband saved his wife's mobile number on his mobile as "My life"


After one year of marriage he changed the number to "My Wife"

After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to "Home"

After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to "Hitler"

After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to "Wrong Number"

Husband wife jokes , too funny jokes , cute jokes ,

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Doctor And Patient Jokes

Doctor and patient

Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?
Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.
Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.

*************

Doctor (to the patient): Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?
Patient: Yes, sir. But I did not drink it.
Doctor: Why?
Patient : (Pointing to the bottle) : Because it is written on the label: Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.

*************

Dentist (to the patient): For God's sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But u're standing on my foot.

Doctors son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success.
Doctor father: Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.

*************

Doctor: Yes, what is it I can do for you?
Patient : Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body's blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn't anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?
Doctor: The fact's your legs are not that hollow as your head is.

*************

Doctor: Mr. Kishan, you look exhausted.
Kishan: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.

*************

Doctor: Liquor is a slow poison for you.
Patient: It's all-right. I'm not in a hurry.

*************

Patient: May I have a glass of water, doctor.
Doctor: Are you thirsty?
Patient: No... I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks.

*************

Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?
Doctor: Fifty rupees.
Patient: Fifty ruppes, for only a few second's work?
Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.
Patient: How much is for the operation?
Doctor: Rupees on thousand.
Patient: But it was a serious one.
Doctor: Nonsense. You can't buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days.

*************

Mohan : (to the doctor) : Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?
Doctor : Your eyesight seems to be poor.
Mohan : How did you come to that conclusion?
Doctor: You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital.

*************

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, "I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?".
"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".

*************

A patient: Doctor, I don't feel hungry after taking meal.
Doctor: Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit.
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up.

*************

Patient: Doctor, I can't sleep.
Doctor: Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off.

*************

Patient: I have spent 80% of my life's savings on doctors.
Doctor : Why didn't you come to me earlier?

*************

Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?
Doctor: Use a pencil till I come to see your son.

*************

Patient: Doctor, I feel there are two of me.
Doctor : Very well, I shall see you, one at a time.

*************

Romi : (to the doctor): Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift.
Doctor: Tell her to come in.
Romi: I cannot
Doctor: Why so?
Romi: Because she does not stop at this floor.

*************

A fat lady: (To a health expert). Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.

*************

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): What is wrong with you?
Patient: I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine.
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): Here, Take this.
Patient: Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right.

*************

Doctor (to a patient) : you must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal.
Patient: Doctor, we've only 3 spoons at home.

*************

Patient to doctor: On the top of your prescription these words are printed:
We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?
Doctor: Pay me. I will send it.

*************

Patient: Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness.
Doctor: You can pay by cash, cheque or money order.

*************

Patient: Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?
Doctor: That is what I want to find out myself.

*************

Doctor to patient: Why are you nervous?
Patient: Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation.
Doctor: But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation.

*************

Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill.
Doctor: Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet.

*************

Patient: I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night.
Doctor: Don't worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone.

*************

Woman patient : Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die.
Doctor : You did the right thing to call me.

*************

A patient to his friend: I am taking rest cure.
Friend: What do you do?
Patient : I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor.

*************

Doctor to woman patient: Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him.
Patient: But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee.

*************

Doctor: You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?
Patient: Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming.

*************

Doctor to woman: What is the matter about your husband?
Woman: He is worrying about money.
Doctor: I think I can relieve him of that.

*************

Patient to friend: I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory.
Friend: What did he do?
Patient: He made me pay him in advance.

*************

Doctor: Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age.
Husband: Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?

*************

Patient: Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?
Doctor: How old are you now?
Patient: 40
Doctor: Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?
Patient: No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't smoke. I have no vice.
Doctor: Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?

*************

Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine.
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked : Did it really help you?
Patient: It helped me wonderfully.
Doctor: How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?
Patient: I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir.

*************

A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.
The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many large volumes on his shelves. Finally, he asked the patient : Have you had this trouble before?
He answered: Yes.
Doctor said: You have again got it.

*************

A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age.
Patient: The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?

*************

Doctor: You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary.
Patient: Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?

*************

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Funny Office T- Shirt Quotes

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Funny English

English Is A Phunny Language

***************************


Principal to student... : " Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father
(Any other options???)
_____________________________
Class teacher once said :

"Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
(Who??? paper or student???) 

_____________________________

Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America..."
(hmmm...interesting)

_____________________________

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..."
(Topsyturvy)

_____________________________

Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
(Grrr....this person needs Basic Communication Skills Class Room Training)

_____________________________

It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said

"why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
(New Discovery!!!)

_____________________________

Teacher in a furious mood...

Write down your name and father of your name!!
(Excuse me...)

_____________________________

"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
(Gr8...is he a satellite or sumthing???)


_____________________________

"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
(What an illustration...I like this professor)

_____________________________

"Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
(Well, you can proceed, would U like to leave a note behind as well...)

_____________________________


LIBRARIAN SCOLDED," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN, I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
(That will be better....)

_____________________________

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
(No Comments...!!!)

_____________________________

"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
(Because we want to check similarities :-) )

_____________________________

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code...

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
(In terms of 1's n 0's)

_____________________________

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class,
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
(2 minz of silence)
_____________________________

The master told the students who were notorious.
"Hey, from tomorrow onwards you both come together separately"
(Make it possible and I will reward my life time savings...)
_____________________________


 Master to his students "Do you know? I have 2 daughters. Both are girls!!!"
(You need some counselling dude...)

_____________________________

Hindi master to his students by pointing his scooter that is parked under a tree,
"See there.My scooter is understanding the tree!!!"
(Wow... )
_____________________________

master rocks again,
"Okay guys, all of you stand in a straight circle!"
(Wow what an oxymoron...)

_____________________________  

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Hilarious Chinglish Collection

funny english , chinese english , funny signboards

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One of best IT interview [ INFOSYS ]

One of best IT interview [ INFOSYS ] Interviewer: Tell me about yourself. Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology. Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before! Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya(high school). Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering. Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years. Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6. Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it. Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned. Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!! Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life? Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative. Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!! Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked? Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai) Interviewer: And which languages have you used? Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages. Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB? Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD! Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language? Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly. Interviewer: What is your general project experience? Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline! Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job? Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows. Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience? Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes! Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company? Candidate: Not much. 1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not       have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent. 3. I believe in flexi-timings. 4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear       t-shirt and jeans. 5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so       as to avoid breakdown due to overwork. 6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term       preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection? Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS. The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys. So Just be urself......u never knw wats ahead of u....... Be Honest and Original...............true to urself !!!!     IT jokes , Infosys joke , Office fun , Office Fun , Don't laugh ,

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Dhoom Part 3

DHOOM 3!!!


!!
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!!










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Funny image , funny picture , Woman n bike, indian woman, modern Indian woman

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English - A Crazy Language ?

Only the English could have invented this language ???

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

And if people from Poland are called Poles
Then people from Holland should be Holes
And the Germans, Germs.

And lets not forget the Americans, who changed s to z, but that's another story.  

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Indian Technique

Ramankutty Nair, a middle-aged Indian Techie immigrant in Dallas, Texas

bought a brand new convertible Porsche.



He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying

the wind blowing through his (thinning and dyed Black) hair.



"This is very, very, great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.

But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford

Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he

floored it some more, and flew down the highway at over 210 mph to escape

being stopped.



Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? "I'm too old for this kind

of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the

Police car to catch up with him.



The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.



"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November

a day before Thanksgiving "If you can give me a good reason that I've

never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."



The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran

off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her

back."



The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"

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