TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

[pause] "Yes, it is."

[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.] "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

[muffled] "Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

[still muffled] "I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

[clear again] "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]

"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!"

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HELPFUL "House Work" HINTS: Natural Remedies

1. Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers OR take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
2. Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
3. Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
4. Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon of horseradish in ½ cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 min, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
5. Sore Throat?? Just mix ¼ cup of vinegar with ¼ cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon  six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
6. Honey remedy for skin blemishes. Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a band-aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
7. Eliminate puffiness under your eyes. All you need is a dab of preparation H, carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a asoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly (remember to avoid getting in the eyes).
8. Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
9. Balm for broken blisters. To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.
10. Easy eyeglass protection.. To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
11. Coca-Cola cure for rust. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with coca cola & scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
12. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer. If bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.
13. Smart splinter remover ..... just pour a drop of elmers glue all over the splinter, let dry, & peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue. This works so well with children.
14. Or when You get a splinter, reach for scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly & easily.
15. Hunt's tomato paste "boil" cure. Cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
16. White vinegar to heal bruises. Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for one hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
17. Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath & shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
18. Rainy day cure for dog odor. Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
19. Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.
20. Vaseline cure for hairballs. To prevent troublesome hairballs, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. The cat will lick off the jelly, lubricating any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the digestive system.

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Skills You Need To Succeed

Skills you need to succeed

While we all aspire to climb to the top of our respective professions, from time to time we come up against a roadblock, a barrier that slows our climb to the top. Whether you are being consistently overlooked in favor of someone else who is a bit more productive, or perhaps there is just some intangible quality that allows other people to get ahead of you, it can be immensely frustrating to be denied a job you know you could excel in.

With this in mind, we decided to consider the six skills you need to succeed. It is worth noting that all of these skills are transferable and have as much relevance in your personal life as they do in your professional life.

Just as importantly, these are all skills that can be learned, so no one should feel that they are at a disadvantage with any of these. Work on them and you will reap the rewards accordingly.

After reading these six skills you need to succeed, the career ladder will suddenly seem a much easier climb than it did before.



1- Speaking skills

Whether you are hustling for a promotion when you bump into a CEO in an elevator or making an important speech at an international conference, the ability to speak with a wide variety of people is an absolute essential. Good eye contact, a varied vocabulary and the ability to tailor your language to suit your audience are all essential characteristics of an artful speaker. Being a good speaker will give you presence and make you memorable to those who are listening. Practice talking with anyone and everyone you meet, look for a debating society or a Toastmasters group. The rewards are worth it. Being more adept in social situations and being better equipped to network successfully will help you forge working relationships that could be very advantageous to you in the future. It will also be useful to you for performing duties as a best man.



2- Confidence in decision making

Nothing says mediocrity like indecision. A good leader is decisive and will always back himself up when making the correct decision. If you want to be considered leadership material, you have to possess these characteristics. If you are paralyzed by the fear of getting it wrong, you will end up doing nothing, which is worse than trying something and failing. A lot of high fliers are prepared to take risks knowing that a mistake can be corrected. Learn to evaluate different decisions for their pros and cons, and make decisions that will take you closer to completing a given task. The key is to make sure that your decisions are thought-out and reasoned. Be confident in your judgment and believe in yourself to get things right. Don't just play it safe every time -- you will blend into the wallpaper and no one will notice you. Putting yourself on the line will earn you respect, and if your decisions turn out to be right, you can expect to be rewarded for your efforts.



3- Accountability

Another major part of being successful is accepting responsibility, both for successes and failures. If you want other people to respect you, acknowledge your errors rather than trying to blame someone else for your shortcomings. Everyone makes mistakes, but the real test is how you react to that. Putting yourself in the firing line is the mark of a man who wants to achieve great things and is prepared to be scrutinized. It is a sign of confidence and self-belief, and is a key ingredient among men who want to be successful. Being able to admit you have made a mistake is also a sign of humility and can garner respect from your employees. A useful way to hold yourself accountable is to scrutinize your to-do lists, see what you accomplished and what you did not. Look at ways you can improve your performance and take appropriate steps to correct mistakes yourself.



4- A positive attitude

Connected to everything else we have discussed, being positive about work and life is also essential. While your colleagues may laugh at your endless cynicism and misanthropic tendencies, your boss will see you as someone who hates their job and who will never support the aims of the company. We should distinguish between the occasional bad day (although you should always try to minimize this and remain upbeat no matter how trying the circumstances) and being consistently pessimistic. The eternal pessimist will always try to drag other people down and will probably be less productive. If you can cultivate a positive outlook, you will encourage others to be more positive; also, you will be more productive and possibly more credible as someone with executive potential. A positive attitude is entirely self-determined and can be helped by accentuating the positives in any situation. Don't see problems -- see solutions.



5- Self-presentation

Learning how to present yourself to others is another major aspect of being successful. Good grooming, and in particular, smart attire, will project an image of success to other people -- before you have even said a word. Wearing a well-cut suit, quality shoes and an elegant timepiece speak of a man who takes pride in his appearance. High sartorial standards indicate someone who has high standards generally, and this will cause people to view you favorably. A huge amount of your impact on colleagues, bosses or clients will be based on how well put-together you appear; while substance is crucial, having a great style to support it is no bad thing. Read fashion magazines and think about visiting a hairstylist rather than a barber. If you can afford it, have suits and shoes made to measure; they will fit much better than off-the-rack goods. Don't forget that the way you look also enhances the way you feel about yourself, making you more confident.



6- Time management skills

It doesn't matter how well you dress, how positive you are or how well-spoken you are if you cannot keep everything under control. Disorganization means that you will be forever playing catch-up with your work, rushing to meet deadlines and producing work below par. Learn to keep a detailed diary, listing deadlines and setting a schedule for your work, to ensure it is all done with time to spare. Your work will be of better quality and you will be entrusted with increased responsibility. It will also afford you additional leisure time. It is a key element to success and well-worth practicing. This means overcoming procrastination (which we can all be guilty of at times), setting goals that are challenging (but realistic) and trying to use your time efficiently. Don't check your e-mails 17 times every hour -- spend that time writing up that project that is due tomorrow. Ideally, you will reach a stage when you can get ahead of the curve and start taking on additional projects and responsibilities -- a surefire way of setting yourself up for that promotion.

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I Want To Be A TV Because...

 

 

 

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them...
At the end of the day while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional. Her husband, that had just walked in saw her crying and asked her:

- What happened?

She answered

- Read this. It's one of my student's essay :

Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special: Make me into a television. I want to take its place.



 Live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place, And have my family around ME. To be taken seriously when I talk.... I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives when it is not working. Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired. And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me... And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...




I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me. And last but not least make it that I can make them all happy and entertain them...



Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like every TV

At that moment the husband said: - 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!





She looked up at him and said: - 'That essay is our son's !

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Lagi Tujhse Lagan fame Nakusha's Photo Gallery

Click Here To View Lagi Tujhse Lagan Fame
Nakusha's ( Mahi Viz) Beautiful Photo Gallery

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TOP 10 INTERNET BROWSER

This Is The Best and Latest Graphical Review Of
Top 10 Internet Browser.

Select The Best One As Per Your Requirements.

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Tips For Healthy Skin In Summer

During summer the water loss is increased as body tries to keep itself cool. The water loss is rapid due to humid temperatures so it is very important to consume fluids regularly in order to keep your skin hydrated. Even though enough fluid might be consumed, there might be times when the fluid loss is very rapid. Once this occurs the sebum is not properly cleansed from the skin resulting in blocking or clogging of the pores present in the skin. This over time results in acne formation. So in summer it is very important that you regularly cleanse your skin.

A good skin care regimen for summer includes:

1. Cleansing the face regularly with vegetable soaps or natural cleansers.

2. Hydrating your skin with alcohol free toner. If not you can fill a clean bottle with filtered water and spray it on your face more often so that the skin is hydrated and also the excess sebum is washed away.

3. Exfoliation of skin should be done maximum twice a week.

4. It is important to wear light moisturizers. Remember using petroleum based moisturizers only results in clogging of the pores and results in acne.

Read More Here

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Death of an Engineer

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you`re an engineer -- you`re in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how`s it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You`ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I`ll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right.

And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

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Designer Outfits For Indian Girls

 




 


 

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You can make a difference in your world

Words To Live By

It's not how much you accomplish in life
that really counts,
but how much you give to other. 

It's not how high you build your dreams
that makes a difference,
but how high your faith can climb.

It's not how many goals you reach,
but how many lives you touch.

It's not who you know that matters,
but who you are inside.

Believe in the impossible,
hold tight to the incredible,
and live each day to its fullest potential. 

You can make a difference
in your world. 

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A Girl Can Change Your Goal

NARI NE AANK MAAARI BADAL GAYI ZINDAGI HAMARI

Scroll Down

 

TO SEE HOW

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Cool Innovative Ideas....!!!!!!

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